Sad because my forecast result.

Today I’m very sad because my forecast result... Although my result are passing and didn’t have any subject fail yet, I also don’t like my result. Although my result have one A, I also don’t like my result. My result just forty and fifty mark some thing only.
Actually, I have a bit don’t like other people who are get higher mark than me. They all already improve many, including my class monitor who always fails many subjects but I know she is good in math. Now her forecast result is better than me. I feel I’m always good and always take the best result in math but she already exceed my result. Her English, account and other subject also exceed my mark. I can see she put more effort in this forecast exam. I very sad because I can’t take another 3 A’s in add math, physics and chemistry although I take A in math but for me 87% is bad mark. I have many confidences in my physics and add math but I only take grad C. Furthermore, my add math drop from 72% to 52% and my math also from 91% drop to 87%. I’m really sad.
Shiow Chian, my classmate who is good in account. She also get 3 A’s in her math, add math and account. I’m very worry about their results will exceed my results much better. I very scare. I started to scare about that. I worry I will lose anything. I don’t like and hate the feeling of loses. Every people also don’t like lose and wanted win everything. That mean, I’m a “kiasu” people.
Today, English teacher ask at class “who is good in math?” .Everyone say is me. Then teacher call me help her to count the total mark of English and EST. Although it is proud for me, I don’t like that because when my math become badly, none of people will say to you, talk with you and they maybe will go far from me. Then I’m will find a hole to bury my self.
Now, I started to have scare feeling in my future. I started to feel don’t want to study after SPM. Because I want everything is prefect and everything must be in good, the best in everything in my life. I will a decision; maybe I don’t want to continue to study after SPM although forecast result and my SPM result is in good or bad. I’m just wanted to be a part time job worker then I will feel that enough for me in my life.